You'Re a Vampire

Being bitten by and turned into a vampire isn't the glitz and glamor that Hollywood makes it out to be. In fact, one out of five newly turned vampires will succumb to a slew of easily avoidable and common pitfalls within their first few months as a nightwalker - tempting garlic-laced Italian food, silver jewelry, and anything with an SPF below 1,000 will have to go. As an answer to this tragic loss of undead life, 'Count' Domenick Dicce has written the definitive how-to guide that just might save your pale, ice-cold skin. This helpful tome will cover everything from Vampire 101 - such as hunting, feeding, and getting used to your new powers - to Vampire Graduate Studies - such as coffin selection, the ghoulish world of vampiric social hierarchy, and the universal Laws of the Vampire. This humorous and giftable guide will be perfect for you or the vampire nut in your life, complete with illustrations throughout. 'A must-read for the recently dead, which walks the reader through the first and awkward years of vampirism. This Transylvanian romp will have you giggling as it guides you through finding a decent meal, making fang-toothed friends, and avoiding wooden-stake-wielding psychopaths.'  Taylor Bayouth, author of  How to Steal the Mona Lisa 'You're a Vampire- That Sucks! is prescribed for treatment of moderate to severe cases of nosferatu ennui. Side effects include laughter and prolonged snickering. Warning- reading Domenick Dicce may become habit-forming.'  E.E. Knight, author of the  Vampire Earth series 'Finally, a guide for the living undead! Count Dicce's delightful book helps the novice vampire deal with everything from finding a suitable job to recipe tips for creatively satisfying your insatiable blood lust. A fun, informative guide that I know I'll be relying on.'  Andrew Mayne, author of Angel Killer