I played Football with Osama Bin Laden, (Terrorist) went shopping with Idi Amin, (Genocidal Murderer) had coffee with Mohammed Ali, (The Greatest Boxer of all time) visited with Princes and Kings (The richest men on the planet) and dated the beautiful young Stewies. An adventure filled with laugh-out-loud humour, mysterious untimely deaths, bribery, corruption, abuse, physical and mental torture, degradation, sex, brutality, the Hijacking of the Holy Mosque, oil revenue spending totalling billions, The Tri-Star Disaster, the "Death of a Princes" documentary and its fallout, Royal revelations, rape, ruin and absolute despair, all interwoven into the experience of a lifetime.
I Inhabited the territories covered by this work for over a decade, providing ample pain and experience to produce this work. I drank coffee with Princes and Kings, played football with Osama Bin Laden went shopping with Idi Amin, endured 80 lashes for being there, learned Arabic and made every effort to integrate. I loved Saudi and began to believe my own hype, "I am not a foreigner, I am a son of this country".
He said he would make my life a living nightmare, a burning hellfire, where every day would be filled with extreme pain and intolerable suffering, you'll have to try harder than that I smiled, I'm from Barnsley, I'm used to it.
Although I am now back in the UK, when daylight has gone and an unexpected knock rattles the door, a familiar apprehension returns, It is the cold, stark, tingle, of the fear of the unknown and instinct still forewarns, that despite thousands of miles between myself and those fanatics abroad - I cannot help but wonder, 'Is that terrible nightmare about to haunt me once more?' Not for the faint-hearted but if you or any of your colleagues have ambitions of employment in the Middle East, you may just want to read this.
When injected into Saudi, there was little support by today's standards. No Phones to speak of and protracted communication by airmail letters only. I didn't speak to my parents or family for 4 months or sometimes even more, you bought everything from the back of a truck that recently arrived from Lebanon. We were here to work and earn a living. No highway code existed, you drove by your bravery and wits, whilst trying to ignore the carnage around you. No Saudi driving test existed and anyone could drive a car. 80 lashes was a standard tariff punishment, running a red light it's 80 lashes, caught drinking it's 80 lashes plus deportation. Caught with a single female of no blood relation 80 plus 3 months plus deportation, slap a Saudi 80 plus 3 months in prison plus deportation, upset a Saudi 80 plus, depending on the upset value. Accidents were 50% our fault as we shouldn't be in their country. These were the basics which I dabbled with first-hand. Enjoying a great adventure means you don't worry about the consequences until that fateful day, when something goes wrong and suddenly you realise, "You're on your own mate"
