
I Am John Galt
我为什么这样写《我不是嫖客》?
我可能具有人格分裂的特质,如同小说的主人公杨二在故事中所表现出来的一样。
从表面上看,我像是个很随意的人,永远不会强人所难,怎么着都行,但在骨子里,我又可能是个喜欢较真的人,真到哪怕写小说,看上去也跟真事一样。所以书稿定型后拿出去供友人品评时,收到的多是些安慰性的话,比如说,也是个文字方面的老手啦,又比如说,故事主线若即若离但贯穿始终颇见功力啦,等等,等等,但就没人看好这本书能大卖。我估计就是前面的原因了:离现实太近,太真实了。因为太真实,所以既没有波澜壮阔的背景,也没有跌宕起伏的情节,更没有让人扼腕的人物,并不适合当下的市场。换句话说,有些平淡无奇了。
好吧好吧,没有宏大的背景,没有曲折离奇的情节,没有上天入地的人物,不适应市场,不能大卖,这些我都认了,但是,连我自己都不能否认,这部作品已经完成了。
写《我不是嫖客》我用了一年,改稿用了一年,然后束之高阁又一年,期间心情复杂,患得患失之情常溢于言表,直到最后决定将其印成铅字时,我才算是想通了前面那个问题:这确实是一件已经完工的作品。
作品既成,管它电闪雷鸣也好,和风细雨也罢,丑媳妇终究还是要见见家婆的?
有人说,这是一部自传式小说,也有人说,这是小说式自传,还有人说,这是一部散文随笔集,更有人说,这分明是非虚构文学……关于这个问题,我自己也不能确定——如同油画和水彩以及国画,你也不好说这个才是画,可以一看,那个不是画,看不得——唯一可以确定的是,这是一个开放时代(或者说开而不放时代)的情爱故事。
前人说过,小说就是一个民族的秘史,因此,这篇东西其实就是主人公杨二的一段秘史。书中的故事都曾经真实地发生过——也许发生在杨二身上,也许发生在别人身上——书中主人公的所有心理活动也都曾真实地存在过,——也许存在于杨二身上,也许存在于别人身上——杨二的口头禅“这事不能全怪我”,杨二到现在也还挂在嘴边……除此之外,其他的似乎已经不重要了。
未来,如果有人看到这部作品,能做恍然大悟状,说原来他们那个年代是这样过来的,还干过这么愚蠢的事情,那么,我觉得我这么写《我不是嫖客》的价值也就有了。
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