Halfway Down The Rabbit Hole

If it is difficult for any boy to grow up both gay and Mormon, imagine the near impossibility of being both and also the son of an ambitious and fiercely patriarchal father who is from an old pioneer family and determined to be upwardly mobile in the Mormon hierarchy. The odds of making it to adulthood at all are overwhelming. Many such boys commit suicide or go mad in the vain attempt to hide from the responsibility of being outstanding examples in supporting, rather than embarrassing, their fathers. Near-perfect men must have near-perfect sons to reflect their worthiness. If the man is fanatically homophobic, that is a plus for him. But if the only thing between a man and his drive for high ecclesiastical office is a potentially gay son--

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