For the Sake of My Sanity

Speaking the truth of life realities, having internal showers. As a child of God, sometimes we think we can run away from our personal pain. Some of us get distracted with helping everyone else, while sinking in deep despair, silently going insane even though no one really knows but then something happened like the death of your children and you find yourself standing at the brink of insanity, too weak to pull yourself from the edge. As a single mother, left with the charge of being the bread winner, protector, councilor, to give guidance and emotional support to your children even though you find yourself trapped in the body of a child, dealing with traumas from the past. When you hit rock bottom, you hit it hard, either you will sink or swim. It is not a shame to fall, when you fall there is nowhere else to go, but up. So my writing is like my personal shrink, which allows me to maintain my sanity in the era of Covid-19, the social unrest that came about with George Floyd's death and the tension you feel as an immigrant and the war for mask wearing 'to mask or not to mask' 'to vaccine or not to vaccine'. Then suddenly everything changed when I got a phone call from Jamaica said my son died in a car accident because someone ran the red light while he was on his way to work. It made me feel like someone shot me in the heart, leaving me paralyzed with a permanent hole in my heart. Just when I felt like I was coming to grips of losing my first child who passed away in 2018, God is helping me to deal with the pain by using me to help someone else to bear their pain. I write to stay sane.