Finding HER Stuff

HOW'S YOUR HEART?
This question bounced through my head one year before turning the same age Mum was when she suddenly succumbed to cancer. How was her heart? Did she become the person she wanted to be? Did she live out her dreams? Did she leave this earth satisfied for living with a heart-wide-open?
She was 47.
I am 46 and my heart feels wrecked. Emotionally, spiritually, physically-I am empty. Too many unkind moments have been twisted into my story; a violent marriage, estrangement from my children, depression, binge drinking, successive brain injuries- these all carry deep scars that are cracking my foundation for building a better life.
What if I am like Mum and this is the LAST year I get to live? How will I be remembered? How will people describe me? Am I living in a manner that values healthy relationships-encourages wild dreams-honors precious time-loves beyond limitations?
No. I am not.
What if I could soften those deep scars by examining the old 'stuff ' that creates barriers for reaching optimal healing? Will I be able to focus the next year on a transformation that leads to my best version of living?
Yes. I think I can.
Because Mum's leave too soon-because aching hearts long to be healed-because distressed people search for encouragement-because weary folks yearn for rest- because lost dreamers still pursue hope: I believe I must.
Starting today.