Accessible Verses

Lady Gaga farts with gusto,
as do Oprah and Mo'Nique,
while Dr. Dre and Yo-Yo Ma
much prefer the one-cheek sneak.
The girl from Ipanema
now weighs one eighty-three.
Now each day when she walks to the sea,
she looks at me.
There's no sleeping pill made,
no trick of the trade,
like rum or the counting of sheep,
that can carry a man
like a breast in the hand
and a bum in the belly to sleep.
Why is it that...
Patrick Dempsey incarnates sex
with a beard of several days,
while I, unshaven just as long,
resemble Gabby Hayes?
In a men's room it's P.C.
to leave the seat up après pee.
And
Sarah Palin, Vicks Vaporub, gay bishops, Mormons, Wikileaks, mumps,
Dick Tracy, Paulie Walnuts, Sun Myung Moon, beer can openers,
Jehovah's Witnesses, Chef Boyardee, pole dancing, Catholics, the Tea Party, Jesus as vintner, Italian drivers, Howdy Doody,
Will Shortz, Cinderella, Jonah and Saint Patrick.
It's all inside.
And mostly all humorous.
Ed Caffrey worked in advertising for 35 years, writing about 10,000 TV and radio commercials,
mostly all humorous, winning 14 Clio awards.
It was there he met his beautiful Helen,
whose illustrations you'll see inside.
"A perfect conflation of intelligence, wit, nostalgia and love. Not only accessible but immensely pleasurable to read. Mr. Caffrey serves up a savory buffet of insights guaranteed to evoke smiles of recognition." "I love his sentiment and reading his words makes me feel nostalgic. Most poetry that critics seem to love is inaccessible and doesn't move me at all. Ed has the true Irish wit and the wonderful way with words."