A Broken and Contrite Heart

As an obese, little country girl, I accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of 5. Yet, throughout the years and despite my understanding of grace, I lived in a self-legalistic world in which I always felt inadequate to gain God's full love for me. No matter how hard I struggled to please everyone and most of all God, I felt that I was a failure. This led me down a journey that seemed like a roller-coaster Christian life which waivered from the mountaintop to the deepest valley and brokenness. Somehow, many around me felt that I was strong displaying an unwavering faith; yet, I felt a failure before God. I wanted more than anything for someone to love me totally. Trials, abuse, pains, and grave illness became part of my life through the next 50 years intermingled with great triumphs, joys, and hope found in the recesses of my Bible and God's presence. God who orchestrated my life, gave me just enough mercy to cause me to ever more press onward toward Him. The perfect song or sermon or book or teacher stepped into my life at the perfect moment to steady my way when I would falter. All those years, I was gently and steadily driven to my knees and a search of the fountain of life that I found in God. I was step by step transformed until I came to realize what fullness of joy is truly-my relationship with God through Christ Jesus. That journey ultimately led me to write this book, "A Broken and Contrite Heart" when His time was right. In fact, I finished it while recovering from an extensive surgery that left me barely able to move from my bed to a lounge chair. My desire is to Glorify He who loved me unconditionally and had a perfect plan to draw me ever closer to Him, knowing that all my life was and is to be glorified by glorifying Him. My life journey has led me from Missouri to Florida, Alabama, Texas, New York and Pachuca, Hidalgo, Mexico. Currently, I am in Orlando, FL where I work as a Cardiology Nurse Practitioner with Florida Cardiology, PA. I am a mother of three incredible children with two beautiful grandchildren. Despite many health problems, God gives me the Grace to continue to practice my profession to His Glory and keep a schedule few young people can keep up with. Despite what would appear a very stressful life, my heart is overflowing with peace and joy. If one person's life is changed through reading this book, then my life's journey and this endeavor has not been in vain. Effie Darlene Barba